I could tell you how happy I am, how I find mysefl enjoying what I do, how hopeful I am about the future, how much I have been loving Him for almost 4 years now, how much I like owls (yes, bird owls) and how it is warm when in fact I have to sit wrapped up in a blanket drinking hot tea or self-made hot chocolate (lately even coffee). How I don't mind being awake till 4 a.m. doing projects (although my body seens to mind) and how sucky are some of my works and I still like them. But at the same time when I think it all to myself, I'm so fucking scared as I have never been before in my life. I feel like I'm missing something, only 2 seconds behind my life, crucial seconds. Well, frankly I have the right to think that way, as it is in fact 2 years I am behind, but this is somehow a different feeling, very disturbing and nerve-consuming. Maybe that's how you grow up, you realise how much you have to lose. No pain, no gain.

And this is all what I could tell you, but I won't. You will never ever hear me saying those words. I don't tell things like this. You may find me cold and indifferent, you may not want to be friends with me, because I don't tell much. I'm quiet. That doesn't mean I don't feel much, it's quite the opposite. But I just rather save all these feelings inside, because no words can express what I mean. They never do. That's why I don't even write this in my mother language. Such an irony.


And now you forget everything you've just read.

Time

Zero czasu, zaniedbałam to miejsce. Ale wrócę, obiecuję.

No time, I've neglected this place. But I'll be back, I promise.